So far we are about halfway through our yoga teacher training. It is an every other weekend class from January to May, about 16 hours each weekend. This teacher training has become way more than I expected; friendships have been formed and I have learned so much more than the physical postures (asanas) of yoga. It is basically weekends of nothing but fun for a bunch of yoga dorks. :) The studio and all the folks there are great! Check them out, Om On Yoga in Richmond, Virginia. This past weekend we finished our asana breakdowns and worked on the Chakra system. I was incredibly moved by two things. One, the comradary between all the students. We had two birthdays and student brought cards, treats, we sang happy birthday with candles on the homemade, gluten free, vegan cake, and genuinely wished them a very happy day of birth. Secondly, what people can feel safe to share. One classmate shared how overwhelmed she was, in a good way, to the chakra system. She had an ah-ha moment and things were really clicking with her, so much so that she wanted to cry. Which of course made me want to cry for her ( I sorta did). Earlier in the weekend a classmate shared about her upcoming birthday and being blessed at her church. She commented on how she knew that she could share this without judgement with us despite our differing spiritualities and she was happy for that. She also shared a touching moment she had teaching yoga to some children that moved me to tears. I am part of a family in this class. A family that I am not at all familiar with, a family that I have so desired to be a part of for sometime, and family of like minded, non-judgmental people. I feel like I am home and not alone. I am with people who appreciate my quarks and see my efforts as a way of life and not just a phase.
I was also reaffirmed in my blogging. A classmate commented on having some back pain. I, too, have been having back pain. No biggie really, but it just reminded me that sometimes we all forgot that there are others who can be experiencing similar things to us. If you are suffering, more than likely you are not suffering alone. The thing is, people don't readily talk about their sufferings, so you tend to feel alone, like no one understands. It is my hope in my blogging, Tweeting, Facebooking, Pinteresting, etc. that I can show to others, or one person, that they are not alone. Maybe I can touch on one thing with one person and maybe it can help them heal, even in a little bit. I don't really know if I am reaching anyone, but I am not ready to give up.
At 31 almost 32, I have lived a life and seen things that many people haven't and won't. Part of it is the field of work that I am in, but a lot of it is just the life that has happened for me and decisions I have made, or in some cases not made. Like a decision not to leave several abusive relationships when I really should have, decisions on how to handle my own mental health, living on my own at a typically early age, etc. I have been through a lot and have learned a lot and have so much to share with others. More importantly, I have a lot of love to share.
I have always been a loving person. I know this because my mom and other members of my family have told me and told me stories, but I also remember. When I was much younger I used to write notes to my mom with so many I love you's, I miss you's, I can't wait to cuddle, and so on. Somehow along my life my love changed or rather how I expressed it did. I got angry. It is my belief that I simply forgot how to express it and I got frustrated and it came out as anger. Or my love grew and I didn't know what to do with it all and it was hard, it was frustrating, and most times even when surrounded by people I felt very alone. Now I tend to be closed off and a busy body. I don't like people to touch me and be in my "bubble", cuddling is hard for me, etc. BUT, yoga has become my new way of expressing this intense love. Just this morning I felt an intense change in how I felt, I just felt like "Man, I need to hug someone. I want to hug more". I just feel like I need to spread this love of mine. If you really knew me, then you would know that this is a big deal....unless of course you are my family who receives my hugs. So, hugs...it will take time, but people need to feel that love and I need to give it. I wake up most days now just feeling like I am grinning from ear to ear. I see people and just feel so excited to see them and want to make them and their day as happy as I am. I really don't have a reason for this, it just is what it is.
Thank you to any one and every one who has been beside me on this journey. It is for you that I am doing this.
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